How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
