how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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