is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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