i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
