oh god the rape fog is back!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
