How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
