im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize