how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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