so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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