You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
