the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
