Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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