puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
