then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
