ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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