Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
