allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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