My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
