Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
