I didn't shave. On purpose
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
