I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
