I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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