drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
