u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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