He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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