In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
