Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize