Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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