So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
