just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
