are you so shy because you have an std?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
