giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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