My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize