Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
