I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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