all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
