I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
