Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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