There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
