he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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