instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
