I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
