all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
