My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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