i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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