This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
