Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
