The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
