You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
