...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
