I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
