How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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