i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
