Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
