Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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