okay pat passed out under dana's car
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drake has all the answers
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
