dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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