I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
