They have a pepper shaker for pot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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