Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
