dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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