As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
