Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
