is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
