nutella sex= disaster
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
