covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
