Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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